‘I Did It Because He Insisted ...’

This is what one of my friends said the other week and I was understandably horrified. My friend is a confidant, articulate and intelligent person and I was shocked she'd just come out with that. She's on the dating scene again after ending a long term marriage and I am concerned she has no boundaries in place for the next charmer she meets.

The thing he insisted upon was anal sex on her. I know she's done it before as she's told me and as far as I know she mostly seems to enjoy it. However, that is not the point. No partner should ever 'insist' on doing anything the other person is hesitant, uncomfortable and reluctant about. From what she told me further on in the conversation, she didn't seem to enjoy it as much as she's done previously. I suppose a lot of it depends on the individual concerned. Whether they are gentle and how big they are.

It is extremely manipulative, though, to try and coerce someone into doing something they are unsure about, especially if the person has already told them a clear no. Coercive control is now an offence and one of my biggest bugbears is manipulation.